Monday, August 24, 2009

Local Bear Falls To Sudden Death: Daily News Takes You Behind the Caution Line

Note to readers: The following is completely a joke, and should not be taken as a sick twist to my humor. I did not just think this up: I saw this teddy bear fall, and thought it was funny and ironic. Keep reading for further explanation.


BEFORE THE ACCIDENT Pictured above, Mr Bear can be seen enjoying a good book, a favored pass-time of his.
[photo contributed by victim's family]


"He had his whole life ahead of him," one family friend managed to comment through tears, "No one could have guessed this would happen." And indeed, there were no precursors to the devastating accident. Mr Bear was an amiable bear, and was not known to have any enemies. However the suspicion of foul play is still under debate, as the investigation has yet to conclude.

THE SCENE After a thorough sweep of the area, police were able to conclude that Mr Bear was in his bedroom - specifically on the top bunk - when something caused him to fall.

This reporter dug deeper to uncover more. The top investigator on the case gave us the dirt: "Truthfully, the fall wouldn't be what caused the death. A strong man like this may have become seriously injured, but fatality was not likely." So what did it? After examining the body, it was clear to all that Mr Bear died of a fatal blow to the neck. As can be seen in the photograph above, there was a compact fridge placed next to the bunks at the time of the accident. Police put two and two together: "...so [Mr Bear] fell from the same end of the bed, falling directly into the edge of the mini-fridge." It was only after this deadly blow that Mr Bear landed on his side, in the position now outlined in police tape. Unfortunately for Mr Bear, he was alone when the accident occurred. Members of the victim's family had no comments to make on this subject. For now, the case continues.

10 comments:

Lilly Anne said...

You're so weird! Why'd you have to do that to a TEDDY BEAR?

Kelly Renee said...

....
*shakes head*
You're so weird, Heidi.


XD

Heidi Rose said...

I didn't mean for it to be super weird... I wanted it to be funny in it's complete absurdity.

Amy Lauren said...

OMGGGGGGGGGG You should write for The Onion!!!!

This is the best. It was so tragic to witness this completely sudden and unpredictable tragedy.

DT said...

lol... :o)

Nath said...

this is really weird! :D

Lauren said...

ahahahaha, love it!

Amy Lauren said...

that first picture is now my desktop background! I love that bear, I hope he isn't lonely without me.

Katie Marie said...

AMAZING!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE IT!!!

It's sooo funny Heidi! (Although I do have a weird sense of humor). Haha

Katie Marie said...

(I especially like the tape outline of the bear on the ground. *Chuckles*)