Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Inner Dialogue

So you know those times when you are watching something and you have this inner one-sided dialogue going off (like you're voicing your opinion loudly but not aloud)? Well, I had one of those moments today. As you might know, Kyle came over today. As you also might know, I don't like him. Around or otherwise in my life at all. And by extension, I don't want him eating the food I've made. I make my food with love. I don't not want Kyle near anywhere or anything I love or have loved.
So today Kyle came over, and Amy and I both had slices of the banana bread I have made with love whilst a group of us were playing cards at the kitchen table. Tempted, and always the conformist, Kyle took his share of bread too. A generously thick slice. Now, I'm not allowed to (God forbid) deny Kyle anything. In spoken words. So the whole time Kyle was sitting next to me, eating my bread, my thoughts resembled the following:
"Oh yeah, how does it taste? I hope you choke on it. I hope you hate it. Spit it out. I hate you. How dare you eat my bread. Bastard."
Was I too harsh? This is all Kyle said while he scarfed down the food I made:
"Tastes better with chocolate chips."
As I type this, the edge of the bread he did not eat is sitting on a plate in the kitchen.
WHO WOULD EVER CHOOSE TO BE AROUND YOU!?!? YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE! For those who may not know, Kyle is not the kind of person that says something positive along with critiquing. No, if Kyle says anything, it's how you could have done something better or how it's wrong. About my long-worked-on self portrait all Kyle said was, "Yeah, your hair's not that dark." Like you could ever make good banana bread or paint a self-portrait that looked anything like you!
Amy made dinner and all he said was that it was watery.
Oh, and later on, he farted in my face and got me all wet. I had to shower. The bra I had on smells like skunk. I smelled like skunk. There's nothing more to say on this topic.

5 comments:

uǝɹnɐl ʎɯɐ said...

So bitter. I love it!

Also so true, I was pretty offended that he was complaining about my delicious egg, cheese, & bacon loaded breakfast burritos that I slaved over for at least an hour. MY SWEAT & BLOOD WENT INTO MAKING THOSE! Gross, not really, but I was sweating profusely because the stove was so hot. And then all he said when he was finished was "I'm still hungry." What an ungrateful twit.

Katie Marie said...

This makes me SO mad.

But just wait until he goes off to college and "Mommy" isn't cooking for him anymore. Hope he enjoys those ramen noodles...

Maybe he'll get fat :)

Heidi Rose said...

He already is fat. He's still a baby. I'm sure he'll love his ramen noodles because he can do no wrong according to himself. Bâtard.

Lilly Anne said...

I laughed a little when you had your 'inner self dialogue'. I did that once when one of my friends asked for half of my cookie.

She saw me sharing with someone I actually like, and she, having the impression that she's my best friend in the whole wide world but I really hate her, she asked for some of the cookie also. I gave her some, and I while she was eating it I was thinking along the lines, "Your enjoying it now, Morgan, but a chocolate chip will get stuck in between your teeth and then you'll get horrible cavities on both teeth and then the cavity spreads through out the whole teeth so it's too big for a filling and you have to get each tooth painfully removed. Yeah, you just wait." I think I was being a bit harsh, but she can't read my thoughts anyway.

So, yeah, Kyle is a real big jerk.

Lilly Anne said...

Also, Amy your comment made me think of that lunch lady in Matilda that made the cake and her "sweat and blood" went into it. You also reminded me of the Trunchebole when you said, "ungrateful twit".