So you know those times when you are watching something and you have this inner one-sided dialogue going off (like you're voicing your opinion loudly but not aloud)? Well, I had one of those moments today. As you might know, Kyle came over today. As you also might know, I don't like him. Around or otherwise in my life at all. And by extension, I don't want him eating the food I've made. I make my food with love. I don't not want Kyle near anywhere or anything I love or have loved.
So today Kyle came over, and Amy and I both had slices of the banana bread I have made with love whilst a group of us were playing cards at the kitchen table. Tempted, and always the conformist, Kyle took his share of bread too. A generously thick slice. Now, I'm not allowed to (God forbid) deny Kyle anything. In spoken words. So the whole time Kyle was sitting next to me, eating my bread, my thoughts resembled the following:
"Oh yeah, how does it taste? I hope you choke on it. I hope you hate it. Spit it out. I hate you. How dare you eat my bread. Bastard."
Was I too harsh? This is all Kyle said while he scarfed down the food I made:
"Tastes better with chocolate chips."
As I type this, the edge of the bread he did not eat is sitting on a plate in the kitchen.
WHO WOULD EVER CHOOSE TO BE AROUND YOU!?!? YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE! For those who may not know, Kyle is not the kind of person that says something positive along with critiquing. No, if Kyle says anything, it's how you could have done something better or how it's wrong. About my long-worked-on self portrait all Kyle said was, "Yeah, your hair's not that dark." Like you could ever make good banana bread or paint a self-portrait that looked anything like you!
Amy made dinner and all he said was that it was watery.
Oh, and later on, he farted in my face and got me all wet. I had to shower. The bra I had on smells like skunk. I smelled like skunk. There's nothing more to say on this topic.